Today wasn’t the best day for me.
Not only did I purposely pick a fight with my fiance to avoid being sad that he was leaving for home today after his visit to help me with my stress levels. We made up. He knows why I do that. But I still feel bad for doing it. Why can’t I just go with emotion instead of avoiding it?
I also formally received a part of a diagnosis from Counseling Services at school. I have anxiety, which is what prompted me to go in the first place. Not sure if it’s enough for a “formal” diagnosis, but it is enough that it interferes with everything in my life.
My formal diagnosis for today is anxiety coupled with a mild form of depression called dysthymia. Which means I can function day to day but my mood is consistently down and sad, my self esteem is very low, and I have chronic insomnia.
I’ve had all of those for as long as I can remember and while it’s nice to have a name for it and have a plan in place that has been working to stabilize my moods….I’m still very scared about judgment from the name.